Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before.

Onced and twiced are words.


Coldbeer is one word.

People actually grow and eat okra.

When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people will drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.

The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see the doctor. Fix-in-to is one word.

A TANK is a dirt hole that holds water for irrigation, watering the cows, or swimming .


There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there's supper.

"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you are age two.


Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it work until you're done or it's too dark to see.



Texas Humor & Wisdom

Things aren't always serious around here. Texans are known for good humor, even when it's about us, so enjoy!


You no longer associate bridges over rivers with water.

You hear the weather forecast for 105 degrees without flinching.

You run the house a/c in the middle of winter, so you can use your fireplace.

The best parking is determined by shade ..... not distance.

Sunscreen is sold year round, it is always kept right at the checkout counter.

When hot air balloons can't rise because the outside air is hotter than the air inside the balloon.

You see two trees fighting over a dog.


1. Never slap a man (or woman) who's chewin' tobacco.

2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

3. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

4. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

5. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

7. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. 8. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

9. Don't squat with your spurs on. 10. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

11. Always drink upstream from the herd.

12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

13. There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, The few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot.





Join our email list!



Measures distance in hours, not miles.

Has even switched on the air conditioner and the heater on the same day.

Uses "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixin' to go to the store (note: in the example, "fix-in-to" is one word).

Installs security lights on the house and garage and leave both unlocked.

Knows what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

Only has four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and Tabasco.

Thinks everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.

Reads local papers that cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages to cover Friday night high school football.

Can name all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.