EDITORIALS - Archives 08.01.04

Handicapping the IWf (Iraq War Finals)

Which Team Will Win the War in Iraq? Predictions about Iraq vary as much as those about which team will win the NBA finals next year.

A lot will depend on the "teams", the strength of their players and their strategy and how well they've played the game so far. Lets begin with a look at the final teams in the Western and Eastern conferences.

IWF Western Conference Teams


5-Star Brigadiers: The Brigadiers have a long and illustrious history, but haven't been in a playoff like this since the 1960s. This well trained and skillful team advanced quickly early on, with lightning attacks, but has gotten bogged down as the season advanced. Their players spend too much time playing defense and not enough on the type of strategies - rebuilding, civilian leadership, and economics - needed to advance higher. They are stuck in the same bracket as the ChickenHawks and beginning to lose support.



ChickenHawks: Don't let the name fool you. Despite their timorous moniker and the relative inexperience of their coach G.W. , this team wrote the playbook, appointed the referees, and has more money than all of the other teams combined. Despite this, their tactical and strategic mistakes leave them no better off than when the season began. There are increasing calls to replace the coaching staff if not the entire team and they are still wasting too many players fighting the Brigadiers.



Naciones Unidas: An underdog at the beginning of the season, this team - made up of players from around the world - is an odds-on favorite but has made little progress in Western Conference play. They boycotted much of the early season and are now trying to lay claim to the title even before the playoffs have begun. Despite this, they have the depth of experience and talent to go the distance in this region if they can get their act together. Don't count them out, yet.



PeaceNixs: Not even considered a longshot in the IWF, the "P'Nixs" as they are known locally, made some headway during the year but need to focus on improving their skills over the long-term. Somehow, despite the lack of any star players and an under budget operation, this scrappy team keeps coming back year after year. It will be interesting to see what impact the will have on the final IWF outcomes and what they will do next year.


IWF Eastern Conference Teams


Ali Babas: Wearing uniforms made of silk and driving expensive humvees, the Ali Babas, or thieves, went into the finals concerned less with winning as with bringing in the most cash. Several key players were former members of the ChickenHawks and have garnered the most lucrative contracts and endorsements of either conference. They continue to throw off the game of the more professional teams but are "laughing all th' way to the bank".



Average Jarrars (formerly the Baghdadis): This is the people's favorite to win, and if this was a volleyball game they just might. The Average Jarrars have a lot of quirky talent and the most heart of the entire conference. Year after year they have faced tremendous disappointment, but each time they get up again and play with more energy than before. Many of the players come from poor and middle-class families but their focus is on steady play and building a world-class organization over time.


Insurgents: This is the nastiest team in the IWF. They've shown that they care less about the game then about smacking everyone else. Heck, they don't even show consideration for the fans and would just as soon have a riot as play ball. The team is led by a motly group of renegades and former members of that defunct team, the Saddam Baathists. Few see them as a strong contender for the title, and most want them booted out of the league altogether, but they are still a group to contend with. .


Omullahs: This team hasn't seemed to have its mind in the game, until recently.. While they talk about how much they're concerned about winning, they refuse to show up for practice and instead spend most of their time in non-game related activities. When they should be out on the courts scrimmaging and honing their skills, they are often found in the other teams' locker rooms writing slogans on the wall. All of their fasts and praying won't help them to develop the skills needed to succeed.



Predictions for the finals match

Peace, Charlie

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